A close friend of mine was trying to council me once when my last relationship ended by telling me to accept the fact that gays are not monogamous material, and to just simply "fuck it", and in some ways i agree to this, why shouldn't i spare myself the heartache and just be the me i once was, care free, always having fun, fucking around, but here's the thing, is it enough? I mean why should i settle for anything less? yes it's painful when things don't turn out right, and yes, maybe the entire worlds population of homos don't believe in having relationship, but why should i settle for anything less than what i know i deserve? and no, i'm not trying to say that i should go out and get married and have gay babies right this instant, but when it happens, why do i have to assume that it will go bad, is this what the gay world has come to? what, just because i'm gay, am i not worthy of love or something? i really don't know anymore, if i'm a fool for believing in all that rosy filtered romance shit, then a fool can only hope, i can't go on feeling like i need to score as much as i acan to prove that i'm somebody. i am done with fucking and quickly leaving out the door, it's fun to be the one who does the things that only brings pleasure with no effort, but for me though, it is just not enough anymore............
Other stuff that is going on......
I recently helped Shamira with design project for her work, its a sales clip board ad thing, hopefully her boss like it..........
Finished MY bosses chinese new year card, hopefully HE likes it............
As far as my life goes, i've always said that my sex life is the most interesting, countless tale i have told over the ages that have either shocked or entertain the masses (sounding much like a corny book already aye), and i have often wondered if it is a payback for all those years i was acting like a shithole to everyone around me, i guess so, i shudder at the thought that it might be something else the big man up there is up to with my bedtime stories, case in hand, Patrick, circa 2002, you see back then i had 2 bff (which tend to change ever so often due to sudden idiot repulsion in behavioural conductation), Ali and Adee, we hang out with each other a lot, mostly because of convinience, you see Ali owns his own gaychelor pad and it was the only free accomodation for some nasty making at that point of my life, and also all of us have diiferent taste when it comes to the man we meat so there is never a conflict of carnal interest, anyways, these to moronic creation of god(aka mcog) have a taste for dark meat, i mean no offense to the dark brothers out there but i'm a more oriental diner, so when theses mcog invited me to a friendly cruising expadition, i wasn't actually jumping for joy, but i went along with them anyway, just for the entertainment that's comes with watching the women in them unleashed while cruising, now they were of course having a blast of a time and i had to admit, watching these 2 "ladies" in action can be a whole lotta entertainment, seeing that i wasn't getting any action going on, Adee ask if anything was wrong, "nothing" i said, "just not really my type around here that's all", with sad puupy eyes he looked at me like i just had bad sex with a straight guy he exclaimed "aaaaaaaaaaaaw..... why didn't you say so earlier! let me introduce you to a friend of mine, he's not cheeeeeeeeeeeenah but he is hot as hell!", oh how nice of these bitch to actually think of someoe rather then himself i thought for a moment, but then it dawned on me that this is Adee we are talking about, he doesn't share his pickings unless if its preserved pickles or uniped cherries...... so i tagged with caution, wary of what the consequences of heeding for the advise of scrooge mcdick, "well ookaaaaaaaaay....... i'm listening" i said, "oh there's this guy named Patrick i just got to know recently, he's from nepal and he is as hot as the weather there!", so there i was, contemplating if i should take up this sudden act of generousity, or just go on the night horny as cat hyped on hormones, "okay, let see what you got", and after what seemed like a an hour of regurgitated giggles over the phone Adee turned to me and said "you can head over to Ali's now, your dish awaits", so of we all went to feed my carnal needs, not knowing what i'm going to get, kind of like kinder bueno suprise treat, not one you would share with your 6 year old nephew of course, and when i step through the gates of Ali's gaypad, i was welcomed by a site that can only come as a gift of god(or maybe i was just toooooo fucking horny), now usually when these 2 amigos of mine hook me up with someone i would usually be fucking disappointed cause there won't be much fucking that happens, but to my suprise, Adee did me right this time around, i was presented with a young hot pretty boy that looks like someone who just came out of a bollywood musical movie screen, and oh dear god was i turned on, oh yeah this was going to be my lucky night... or so i thought, and then again my 2 best friend in the whole wide world suprised with another act of kindness, they were willing to let me have the pretty little thing all to myself!, oh those charitable gay bastards!, how i love them, anyway, so off the 2 went leaving me to the excitement of my current conquest, as he sat next to me i started by making small talk ( as my hand is going up & down his thighs of course), "do you do this often?" i ask the boy, "no" he answered shyly with a giggle, as my hand went up to his crotch i found a sack that is worth unloading, damn i must have done something so fucking nice to someone today to receive a gift such as this, this fucker was not only beautiful, he was BIG!, his cock is at least 7 in size and it felt so fucking beautiful!, "you want?" i asked coyly, "yes...." he said with a cheeky smile, so i unzipped his pants and start to fondle his member with my hands, "sure you want" i ask again, not believing how lucky i am on that night, "mmmmmmmm" he said, eyes closed in ecstacy, as i took out his member from his underwear with the enthusiasm of knowing that i'm gonna have a good fuck, disaster hits like a melancholy that i cannot even begin to put into words, HIS COCK STANKED LIKE A FISH MARKET ON FIRE, WOH IT STANK SO BAD I ALMOST EMPTIED MY BOWEL THROUGH MY MOUTH, and as i am thinking of how i am gonna get myself out of this "FISHY" situation, a song starts playing at the back of my mind, and we all know the song, its one of our anthems, and the lyrics goes......
First I was afraidI was "PATRICKFIED"
Kept thinking I could never live without his cock inside
But I spent so many nights
thinking how it smelled so wrong
so bloody strongI don't know how to carry on
and so i turn back
from my own space
I just walked in to find you herewith that sad smell upon my face
Your pants should've come with stupid locks
I should have made you throw the keys
If I had known for just one second
The smell is going to bother me
Go on now go
walk out the door
just turn around now
The smells not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with desire
you think I'd crumble
with that smell i am going to die
Oh no, not I
i will survive
as long as i know how to hold
my breath i'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive...........
..............& as the song plays at the back of my head, i thought to myself, "thanks Ali & Adee, you guys are fanFUCKINGtastic as buddies..............."
I was recently asked by the people at work to design a christmas card as a favor, and when one of the bosses saw it he commisioned me to design their coporate chinese new year card! here's how the conversation on the phone went
Me: uh..... hi boss, this is dee from the hollywood branch....
Boss: oh.... hi dee, what can i do for you.......
Me: i understand from hermie you wanted me to design something for you?...........
Boss: OH YESSSSSSSSS DEEEEEEEEEEE! we were blowned away by your card design seriously! we didn't know that there is someone in our team who is soooooooooooo creative, i knew it couldn't be William when we saw the card, anyway, about chinese new year.....................
we went on talking for about half an hour about it and it felt good, Hermie (my arch nemesis at work) was like "oh yeah it was good man, i'm so glad WE came up with it".......... oh please, as if he has an ounce of creative braincells in his head to come up with something like that, anyway, wish me luck for the new years card!
I am what i am, often misjudge, but never fazed, often misunderstood, but never truly care, i play a small part in the sex industry most of the time, and my life's work is my art, either digital, or otherwise, life is like a comedy, written by god as a practical joke to a mundane existence, so something weird is always happening around me, so this is it, my official memoir, my journal for all to see, the honest truth, and least of all, my life.......
